To Loki! To totally Loki!
I’ve kind of been struggling when it comes to which Gods and Goddesses to work with and get to know. It’s easy when you feel instantly drawn to a certain deity, or even when they call you out (I’m looking at you, Thor!), but what about when they don’t?
I’ve really shied away from even studying Loki, because let’s face it… Dude gets himself in a lot of trouble. All the freakin’ time! So, maybe it’s a bit risky to invoke him, and I haven’t really been in a spot where I felt like taking a risk. But he just keeps popping up everywhere, and I started to realize that ummm… maybe I needed to stop ignoring that.
So, let’s backtrack to about a month ago. I had this brilliant idea to make myself some pagan prayer beads. (I still haven’t perfected them yet, so I’ll post all about it when I finally finish them.) Basically, I wanted to have memorized prayers that I could chant while meditating. So, as I’m making these, I have to choose which Gods and Goddesses to pray to. I wanted to have 9 prayers since 9 is such a sacred number to the Norse. Of course, I had to put a prayer in for Thor and Frigg. I put one in for Freya. I made one for Odin. But who else should I pray to? After thinking about it for a while, I decided I needed to pray to the Gods who ruled over the aspects of my life that I wanted to work on.
One of those areas is being able to have fun. I don’t know exactly where in my great span of 30 years I lost the ability to have fun, but I did. I stress too much. I worry over things going wrong. I worry about how people see me, and I have this great fear of messing things up. Most of all, I think that adulting has made me so serious, that I forgot how to laugh. Not the chuckle-haha-that was funny kind of laugh, but the throw your head back and release pure joy kind of laugh. I have kids. I want my kids to be kids. I want them to grow up and know what joy is and how to keep it in their lives always. Yet, how can I show them if I don’t even know how to do it myself? Yep, this was definitely an area for me to improve on.
Now, what’s the first thing you think of when you think of Loki? (Okay, well right after you remind yourself that Tom Hiddleston is an actor, and Marvel Loki is not the real Loki…) I think Trickster. Prankster. I see a parallel with Coyote in some Native stories. The Loki in the Eddas does his own thing, and takes quite a bit of delight in tricking the other Gods. Yeah it gets him in trouble more often than not, but he certainly marches to his own drum and enjoys being himself. Loki never worries about someone’s perception of him and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Sounds just like the kind of God I need right about now, huh?
So I added him to my prayers, asking him to help me not be so serious all the time. I don’t say these prayers everyday (though, maybe I should…), but I have meditated on them a few times in the last month. And you know what… out of all 9 Gods I pray to, Loki was the one who replied.
The past week for me has been amazing! I have been the happiest I think I have been since I married my husband! It all started with a trip to get donuts….
My family has one car. One car and six people. One car, six people, and three different households. Which means, we spend a lot of time in the car getting people to work, school, or to whichever parent’s house they need to be at. So, on this particular morning, I’m dropping Hubs off at work, but I have an hour to kill before the kids need to be at school. What do kids need in the morning… breakfast! And what is the best breakfast in the world? DONUTS!!! So, off we trek to get donuts at the store. We are pumped cuz DONUTS and this song comes on the radio. Shimmer by Fuel. (Now, I’m young enough that I seriously thought that Hemorrhage was Fuel’s first song, so keep in mind that I wasn’t musically aware when Shimmer was blaring on the radio nonstop. I was listening to Foreigner with my Dad.) I’d only heard this song a handful of times, but I LOVE IT!!! And, it just so happens that my amazing sister hooked me up with unlimited AppleMusic… so I could download said song I hadn’t thought of in years! And the world (or at least me and the baby) rejoiced! We got our donuts, dropped off the school kids, and proceeded to blare Shimmer nonstop at the loudest volume possible for the next 3 days. I don’t know what happened in that moment that I heard this song, but I just went full out joy mode.
For the next 3 days, I listened to songs I hadn’t heard in forever. I cleaned my house. I worked on projects. My bestie came to visit with Starbucks. I went to a Foreigner concert with my Husband, Mother in Law, and Brother. Lots of fun stuff happened, but mostly lots of little things brought me true joy.
I realized, as I was dancing the Seizure at the concert not caring at all how ridiculous I looked, that this was Loki. Loki was working behind the scenes, helping me to let go of all the anxieties and just feel the joy in the music. He was helping me to stop and really appreciate the things in my life that I had been over looking.
I did a bit of research and found out that Loki seems to like really sickly sweet stuff. So, with that in mind, I spent Sunday going through incense at the mall to find the most disgustingly sweet smelling one that I could. I bought several sticks, came home and lit one on my altar. I said a prayer of thanks to Loki, telling him how good it felt to be truly joyful. And, cuz I have kids who always need their momma… I walked away. The incense went out! I came back, lit it again, and spent a bit more time thinking about the lesson Loki was teaching me. And… I walked away for the incense to finishing burning. But instead, it went out. I told my husband how disappointed I was that it seemed we had gotten some bad incense. “Or maybe Loki is just fucking with you,” he says to me. What?!?! Omg, of course he is… cuz that is exactly how Loki would let you know he got your message! So, again I lit the incense, and thanked Loki for letting me know he was still listening, and FINALLY that thing burnt completely to the end.
The most ironic thing about all of this? I realized the day after that I had been honoring Loki on April Fool’s Day! The Gods work in mysterious (and rather amusing) ways!